Well, it's been a week really since I last wrote one of these. I've had I guess what you could say is writer's block. It's not exactly that I can't think of anything to write at all, but it's the same ideas that keep coming up over and over again. All I can think about right now is cleaning, how much time I have before Grayson gets here, and how much I miss Chad.
Nesting has officially set in&it's driving me crazy. I'm getting frustrated with myself that I can't do things. Today I scrubbed the bathroom, and it was miserable. I mean, it's no fun having to clean the bathroom anyways, but with a huge belly added in the mix, it just makes it worse. I couldn't reach things I wanted to, and felt like I wasn't doing a good enough job. At night I lay in bed thinking about what needs to cleaned the next day. That's really pathetic I know, but it's like my brain won't shut off. Then when I can't get things accomplished, I start counting down the days until I can have this baby. I have my moments where I'm like it's only 11 weeks tops! Not even an hour later, I'm almost on the verge of tears because that feels like a lifetime away. I remember having some nesting with Gavin, but I think it's magnified this time because of Chad being gone. Gav tries to "help" but it's not really the same as having an extra set of grown up hands lol Bless his heart though! He hands me laundry to throw into the washer. Puts stuff in the trash for me. Will go get something for me if I ask him to. He's going to be a good man, just like his daddy! :-)
I had gotten in a bit of a funk this past week from missing Chad. I was trying to save money&stay in the house. Everywhere I looked it reminded me of something that needed to be cleaned or it was reminder that Chad wasn't around. It was good to get out&take Gav a few places this weekend.
I know in the picture of things, the cleaning doesn't really matter, just have to learn to shut my brain off. Easier said than done, right? Need to soak up all the time I have with Gavin until Grayson is born. Let him know that he's always going to be mommy's baby. Before I know Grayson will be here, and instead of counting down the days, I need just take one day at a time. I'm sure having the two boys to take care of at the same time will eventually help with the passing of time until Chad returns. So my goal for this upcoming week is to try to not stress as much about cleaning, spend some good quality time with Gavin, and take one day at a time. Wish me luck!