Who are you to judge me?!

It's been quite awhile since I got the motivation to write something on here. I've been keeping busy, getting stuff ready for Grayson's arrival. Got my c-section date finally. That was something that was still up in the air in the last post. Grayson will be here officially in one week on the 20th of September.

One of the motivations for writing this post, is so I can vent about the crazy day I had today. Some days you ever feel like you are the one person in the world that has a big target sign stapled to your shirt? Like it says, please screw me over on your forehead. Yeah, it was definitely one of those days. I have alot of wonderful things to look forward to-Grayson's birth&Chad's homecoming, but right now there seems to be a few speed bumps in my way.

I took Gav to the play area at MacArthur Center. I had been promising him for several days that we would go there since he's been cooped up due to all of mommy's nesting. He had a great time&free range since there were only two other kids there. However on the way back, my upbeat mood started to dwindle. Not so smart on my part-because I chose to go when there was of course afternoon traffic on the way back. I got on the interstate, and there were cars on both sides of me, and a stream of them in front&in back. I see a huge chunk of tire come towards the car in front of me&hits them. Then it proceeds to come in my direction. There's nowhere to go to avoid it. I couldn't even swerve the tiniest little bit. I had no choice but to run over it. It was a big thud, but Gav&I were okay&I couldn't tell that the car had received any damage. I proceed to my next destination...Walmart.
When I get off the interstate, I immediately notice that there's a bad scrapping sound coming from the car. Like something is dragging underneath the car. I pull into Walmart, park the car,&check it out. Talk about a funny site...my pregnant self, trying to look underneath the car. Oh yeah- I got on the gravel with my hands&knees&check that sucker out. I couldn't notice anything obvious like a piece of tire still stuck or anything falling down. So, I knew from there that the car was going to have to be looked at tomorrow.

Now, I went to Walmart because I had WIC vouchers to use. You have to use them by the dates given, or it just goes to waste. I didn't know if first I should even blog about this, because of people's judgements towards me. But then I was like...why do I still care?! Who are you to judge me?! I had about 4 vouchers that needed to be used. I got everything I needed as fast as I could. In the meantime, Gav had an accident in the store. He usually tells me when he has to use the restroom. Actually, he's never had an accident while in big boy undies unless he's been totally asleep&dead to the world lol This time, all I hear is, "mommy I leaking!" (mind you he didn't make a mess on the floor but he still wet himself) Of course the one time I don't bring the diaper bag in, that happens. I didn't know what to do because I had my cart full of the stuff. I was done anyways, so I picked a line&was like let's hope this goes fast&I'll go to the car to change you. Well, guess again...it's Walmart so there was a huge line! I separated all my stuff according to the vouchers, so that the process would go faster. The cashier saw that I had the WIC, so she immediately turned on her light for a manager. The manager took maybe two seconds to get over to the line I was in. The cashier was slow&the manger&cashier kept chit chatting. Nothing I could control, right?

Meanwhile there's this snotty lady behind me who is huffing and puffing like I'm holding up the line. I just ignore it. Well, the cashier is almost done&the lady behind me pipes up. She says, "I would like to get out of here before all my frozen things melt. Must be nice to get everything free!" I lost it. Started crying, and got the nerve to say something back...She had only frozen pizzas and a huge case of beer on the belt! I say, "I don't get everything for free. My man(I said hubby) works his butt off in the military so you can stand there&bitch&buy your beer. I guess my child's health is less important than your alcohol!" I was in full blown tears. She said nothing more but just went on huffing&puffing. The cashier&manager said nothing either! What nerve!

Military do not get everything for free. People tend to forget that. Free health care...I think not..money still comes out your paycheck each month. Freedom doesn't come free. There are sacrifices being made all the time both by the service member&their family members so you can stand there, and do whatever you want, including insult innocent people in the Walmart line. How insulting! I have to be away from my sailor for 6 months, and he misses the birth our son, and you have the audacity to treat people like that! You don't any one's situation in life. Get over yourself! I will pray for you!

*By the way if you choose to look down on me for any of this, then you are not my friend, and don't talk to me ever again! Thanks!*

I will get through this, just like everything before. Taking the car in, in the morning. My next post probably will be the introduction to Mr.Grayson. That's definitely something worth smiling about!

Baby Shower

Well, in just 2 days(the 23rd) it'll be exactly a month till my due date. However, next week I should have an official birthday for Grayson(sooner than the 23rd). I'll be 36 weeks at my appointment this coming Thursday. I have to pick a c-section date or this baby is coming on his own which won't be good for mommy.

Sunday, the 15th, I had my baby shower for Baby Grayson. I had a really great time. Thanks everybody for coming! I feel really bad that my mother had to miss it. She helped look after Gav because he was in total meltdown mode. Thank you mama! I think he just didn't understand what was going on. When we got back home that evening, he kept asking to open presents, because he thought they were for him. He knows that he's going to be a big brother, but not sure he has a full grasp on what all that entails. He'll get it though. I think the hardest thing is going to be learning to share his daddy's attention. He's such a daddy's boy! I received some wonderful gifts that will be put to great use. 

A special thank you to my best friend, Megan for hosting. We've been best friends for 15 years, and she's become more like a sister. I can't wait until her son, Rylan, and Grayson are old enough to play together. Oh, and Gavin will supervise. LOL

I must also say that Chad is the best&knew exactly what I needed! I've had my moments on and off with having to deal with this pregnancy&deployment. He sent me a beautiful display of flowers&gift basket for Grayson, along with the sweetest note. It was a definite pick me up. I can't wait for daddy to meet Grayson!

Since the baby shower, it got me to thinking about how fast time flies when it comes to your children. I can't believe it's been almost 4 years since Gavin came along. Trying to remember how tiny he was. Trying to imagine what Grayson will look like. I love my boys&I'm so glad they are in life!  


Best Friends for 15 years

Flowers Chad sent:

The cake:

Everybody at the shower:

Finally, what I live for(can't wait to have a pic of all 3 boys together, Gavin was a few days old):

Happenings over the past week..&the week to come..

So, what have we been up to? Not much. Kind of trying to quarantine ourselves until Gav&I can kick this tummy bug. It's lasting forever. Took Gavin to the doctor last Thursday since he had already had the bug for a week. She said there was a definite bug going around. Glad I brought him in though. Poor Gavin! Due to his immune system already not being greatest from the diabetes, he had folliculitis, gingivitis(weird, I know, but his body went crazy), a yeast infection, and the cold sores on his face were actually staph. So, he's on an antibiotic and not contagious anymore. Mommy caught the bug though in the meantime. I think I'm actually doing worse than Gavin in that sense. I made a call to the ob on call over the weekend, and it just so happened to be my ob on call. If I still haven't kicked it by the end of tomorrow, I have to go into my regular doctor, and figure out what is going on. Those were my instructions from the ob. Fun! Fun! I feel like I've spent a fortune on stuff to make us better. Oh well, you do what you have to, right?

Other than that, I've just been cleaning when I find the energy. Vacuumed&scrubbed the entire inside of my car. Cleaned out the entire bedroom closet. The nesting is in full swing. Eventually, I'll get the house the way I want it before Grayson arrives.

~A little perk up was getting to talk to Chad on Skype twice this past weekend. It was so great to finally "see" him. Gavin was very excited. I was starting to get kind of bummed with everything going on, so that definitely was nice. We love you daddy! Miss you always!! OXOXO~ 

I'm hoping that everything will be all cleared up by this coming Sunday. Less than a week until my baby shower. Very excited! I'm so grateful for Megan helping with everything. Can't wait to see everyone. Just makes it even more real that Grayson will be here soon. I also have my regular ob appointment on Thursday. Hopefully getting to pick my c-section date. The 8th is out now for some reasons :-( but it's all good. Whatever day it is, I will be so happy. Recovery won't be easy, but that this point, I'm over being pregnant. lol

Well, that's about it for now..going to go eat some more soup, drink more Gatorade, and veg....  

Counting down..

Well, I'm counting down..I have several things to look forward to in the next few months. They involve the most important things in this world to me...my boys!

My bestie, Megan is hosting a baby shower for baby Grayson in the next couple weeks. August 15th. I'm very excited. Hope to see y'all there! We've been planning things together, and it gives me something more positive to occupy my time with. I should have never gotten rid of Gavin's baby stuff. That'll teach me, thinking that I was going to have a girl! lol I should know that with Chad&I's genes we are only blessed to have boys! lol

Then what comes next in the countdown?...Grayson's bday!!! I know I more than ready to greet the little fella. Being way preggo in the summer time with a 3 year old, and daddy on deployment, is not the easiest thing I've ever done for sure! I also know that his big brother Gavin,& his daddy are way excited for his arrival. I wish Chad could be there, but I know he'll be there in spirit& as soon as he gets home, Grayson will be wrapped around daddy's finger just like Gav. Still waiting to pick a date for my c-section, but I'm hoping for maybe the 8th of September. Chad&I both have birthdays on the 4ths of certain months, and if I pick the 8th..Gav&Grayson would have birthdays on the 8ths of certain months. Match them up, you know? lol

Last on the list is daddy's homecoming! I think I will probably be about to jump out of my skin that day and the few weeks leading up to that day too! Two months down this weekend!! Never been without him that long :-( I'm going to be so much stronger as a woman, a partner, and a mother in the end. I just have to hang in there! 

So saying my prayers that everything on the list goes smoothly& let's get this show on the road!!   

Nesting&Writer's Block

Well, it's been a week really since I last wrote one of these. I've had I guess what you could say is writer's block. It's not exactly that I can't think of anything to write at all, but it's the same ideas that keep coming up over and over again. All I can think about right now is cleaning, how much time I have before Grayson gets here, and how much I miss Chad.

Nesting has officially set in&it's driving me crazy. I'm getting frustrated with myself that I can't do things. Today I scrubbed the bathroom, and it was miserable. I mean, it's no fun having to clean the bathroom anyways, but with a huge belly added in the mix, it just makes it worse. I couldn't reach things I wanted to, and felt like I wasn't doing a good enough job. At night I lay in bed thinking about what needs to cleaned the next day. That's really pathetic I know, but it's like my brain won't shut off. Then when I can't get things accomplished, I start counting down the days until I can have this baby. I have my moments where I'm like it's only 11 weeks tops! Not even an hour later, I'm almost on the verge of tears because that feels like a lifetime away. I remember having some nesting with Gavin, but I think it's magnified this time because of Chad being gone. Gav tries to "help" but it's not really the same as having an extra set of grown up hands lol Bless his heart though! He hands me laundry to throw into the washer. Puts stuff in the trash for me. Will go get something for me if I ask him to. He's going to be a good man, just like his daddy! :-)

I had gotten in a bit of a funk this past week from missing Chad. I was trying to save money&stay in the house. Everywhere I looked it reminded me of something that needed to be cleaned or it was reminder that Chad wasn't around. It was good to get out&take Gav a few places this weekend.

I know in the picture of things, the cleaning doesn't really matter, just have to learn to shut my brain off. Easier said than done, right? Need to soak up all the time I have with Gavin until Grayson is born. Let him know that he's always going to be mommy's baby. Before I know Grayson will be here, and instead of counting down the days, I need just take one day at a time. I'm sure having the two boys to take care of at the same time will eventually help with the passing of time until Chad returns. So my goal for this upcoming week is to try to not stress as much about cleaning, spend some good quality time with Gavin, and take one day at a time. Wish me luck!   

Layers...

Thought I would write since I had finally had a free minute after a very long week. As the pregnancy goes on, which is to be expected, I have less and less energy. I wish I could bottle up some of Gavin's energy&use it. Or even sell it! That would be awesome! lol I have about 8 weeks at the least till I'm the mommy to a new baby boy or 12 weeks at the most. Hoping Grayson is ready to go at 36 weeks like the ob&I talked about. He's moving all the time-definitely getting cramped in there.

Missing Chad lots this July 4th weekend. Wondering what we would be doing if he was around? Taking Gavin to go see fireworks? Taking him to the beach? It's nice having my brother home for the weekend though. It helps to pass the time. Plus, Gavin adores his "Uncle Jeffy" as he calls him. I actually remember, though I was very little, when my baby brother was born. Climbed up on my mom's hospital bed, and was in awe. Told everyone at the hospital, he was "my baby." I can't wait for Gavin&Grayson to experience that, and hopefully have a life long bond. Gavin is always asking to talk to Grayson&giving my belly kisses. He tells me he wants to hold him&play toys with him lol Makes my heart melt!

Well, I don't have too much more to add right now, but I saw a survey that seemed kind of fun, so I'm enclosing that as my lasting thoughts for this post. End it on a light note, since everything else I wrote above was warm&fuzzy lol Not every post as to be extremely thought provoking, right? lol Enjoy&feel free to repost your answers!




LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.


Name: Joan


Birth Date: May 4 


Current Location: Norfolk,VA


Hair Color: Red


Righty/Lefty: Righty




LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.


Your fear: something happening to Gavin or Grayson


Your dream of the perfect date: any free time without the kiddios would be nice! lol


Goals you’d like to achieve: have Grayson very soon lol




LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.


Your thoughts first waking up: One day closer to seeing Chad


Your best physical feature: Eyes? Hair?


Your bed time: around 1am lately


Your most missed memory: spending time with Chad(that'll change after a few months)




LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.


Pepsi or Coke: Coke


McDonald’s or Burger King: McDonald's


Single or Group Dates: Single


Adidas or Nike: Nike


Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate


Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino




LAYER 5: DO YOU.


Take showers: Yeah


Have a crush: Is it still considered a crush, if you are in love with that person?


Like school: When I went..sometimes..sometimes not


Believe in yourself: About half the time
Believe what goes around comes around: Yes


Believe everything happens for a reason: Most definitely


Think you’re a health freak: HAHA, no!! germ freak..yes!


LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.


Gone to the mall: Yes


Been on stage: No


Eaten sushi: Nope. Never.


Been hurt: Physically-yes, I'm always hurting&achy..I'm preggo after all


Dyed your hair: No




LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.


Kissed the same sex: my mom of course, but that's it
Got beaten up: No


Changed who you were to fit in: I don't think so




LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.


Age you’re hoping to be married by: 50 would be good lo


Number of kids you’re planning on having: 2 is good for now..would love to have a little girl though




LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY


hair color: brown ;-)


short or long hair: short!!


Fat or fit: fit


Looks or personality: it has to be a little of both(Chad's got that covered lol)


Fun or serious: both




LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.


1 MINUTE AGO: working on this blog


1 HOUR AGO: getting in jammies


1 WEEK AGO: is it sad, I don't remember?


1 YEAR AGO: saw fireworks with Gav&Chad



LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.


I FEEL: way pregnant


I HATE: deployment


I HIDE: pimples


I NEED: to have this baby already&have Chad back!


I LOVE: my little family!

My Son, My Son

I haven't posted in the past couple of days because I kind of had writer's blog&I've been busy keeping up with things&watching my elderly grandmother. Well, my post just came to me. I popped on myspace real quick for the first time in forever. I never use that thing. It's funny, because that's where Chad&I met. I was re-reading my blogs that I had posted on there. One is a poem that I wrote for Gavin. I'm so glad I found it. My whole world revolves around him(well him&his baby brother&daddy).
Last night I went to Target to get my mother an anniversary&birthday card as well as a present(they are both on the same day). Gavin had a total meltdown. He ran away from me&I actually thought I lost him. It was the worst feeling ever!! He started crying how he missed daddy when I asked him why he ran away. I couldn't help it, I started bawling too. I ended up leaving a cart full of stuff in the middle of the store. We came home&drew pictures for daddy. I just kept reminding him that mommy is always there for him. When I found what I wrote when he was less than 6 months old, I thought it expresses how I feel perfectly.

My Son, My Son



For you life has only just begun


But don't worry my love, I'm here to see you through


God gave me these two arms to hold you tight


The words from my lips to teach you what's right


Strong shoulders to carry you when you have falls


Ears that are open to the calls


Feet to lead the way


Mommy loves you more than she can say


My son, My son, in my heart is forever where you will stay.

Good looks...

Well, I thought I would make this one, a fun little post. Not as serious. I got to thinking today...I wonder what Grayson's going to look like? Will he look like Gavin? Just like Chad? Or maybe he'll even have red hair? Honestly, if I'm walking around in a mall, besides the fact that Gavin is calling me mama, and I'm holding his hand, no one would know that he's my son I don't think. When he was first born I thought he looked like my brother. He had red hair too. Very red, and know it's definitely a dirty blonde. Then he started to look like Chad. Now he looks just like Chad, but with my brother's ears! I always say it looks like Chad&my brother had a baby together. LOL He really is a junior Chad with Uncle Jeff's stand out, but adorable ears! It's amazing how Gavin has changed so much in 3 years! Now, I can't wait to see my new little man for the first time! I love my boys-all three of them! :-)

~ Check out the pics and see what you think. Does Gavin resemble me at all?~ Or is he definitely Chad's clone? lol~

**Side note-We survived 3 weeks of deployment**

Gavin when he was first born...

Gavin at around three months: Mommy or daddy?

In this picture, I think he really looks like my brother...

Gavin definitely had red hair...

Now you can definitely tell he's a mini Chad..

In these moments...

They say it's supposed to get easier, and I'm sure it will come less severe. But seriously is it ever easy to be without your best friend, the father of your children for months at a time? I have my ups and downs everyday. It's little things through out the day, that remind me of him, and I can't help but smile. Those are the moments that give me hope. For I know, for however long I have to wait, I will get a chance again to make those sweet little memories.

Today, I went to rent a movie at Blockbuster with Gavin. Got two free movies. Yay for rewards and coupons!! As I was sitting in the parking lot, right before getting out of my car to go in, I saw a family walking. There were two little boys, and a mom&dad. The oldest boy looked to be about Gavin's age. The smaller child, just a little, little thing-maybe a few months old. The eldest was holding his daddy's hand, walking along. They were walking out of a restaurant, after coming from dinner. My first reaction was actually jealousy honestly. Why can't that be me right now? Then, a smile actually came across my face. My thoughts quickly changed to how sweet is that, I can't wait to do that when Chad gets back!

Then later on when I went to make some grilled cheese for dinner, I just couldn't help but smile. Chad actually taught me how to make a grilled cheese! Well, without a sandwich maker! lol Every time I make grilled cheese, Chad always comments on how good they are. I'll continue to practice my grilled cheese making skills for when he gets back. Don't worry babe, I ate an extra one for you! LOL 

~All these little moments, add up to one great life~I cherish all the memories we've made together, and look forward to many more to come! :-)

Gavin&daddy at restaurant(Smokey Bones) for Gav's 2nd bday.

My baby is an eggplant! 27 Weeks!

Well, I'm 27 weeks today. Never thought I would make it that far honestly. After having an angel baby, everytime I go into the ob&hear good news, I feel relieved. Had my glucose test done yesterday. Apparently they don't do just finger pricks anymore. I guess I was thinking that because with Gavin, that's all they did. I mean, no offense, it was at the public health clinic when I was pregnant with Gavin. They aren't always up to date on things. I did fine getting the yucky sugary liquid down. After drinking it, I waited an hour, and came back for a full blood draw. I did get my finger pricked though. Ouchie!! I feel so sorry for Gavin&my mom, that they have to do that at least 4 times a day because of their diabetes. My finger is all bruised to heck, and hurts even this morning. The lady who did it obviously doesn't know much about finger pricks. You're never to supposed to do it on the middle of the finger. That's like the pad of your finger. The most sensitive. O well. I guess I've had extra training from Gav. lol The finger prick was actually to test my iron level. It's a little low so I've got to add more iron to my diet. Ground hamburger is on the list for things with iron.  Does that mean McDonald's hamburgers, here I come? haha Maybe when I have a craving. Grayson's heart rate was 131. So right on track! My blood pressure was perfect, and I haven't gained any weight. The no gaining weight is a good thing for me. I'm only supposed to gain 12 to 15 lbs this time around. If I get a call from the ob, I have to do the 3 hour glucose test. If no call, then I'm in the clear for gestational diabetes.
I talked quite a bit with my ob about a VBAC. It would be nice, but my chances don't look that great. Good news-if the baby is ready at 36 weeks, he said he would go ahead&let me schedule a c-section. I'm okay with that. That means Grayson could be here as early as 9/10 weeks. Getting way excited! Mommy, big brother Gavin,&daddy can't wait for you to get here! :-)

Just a fun way to tie up this post-Grayson is the size of an eggplant now! Check it out. Cute way to measure your baby's growth if you are preggo.

Size of Baby

 

~New Blog~

Hey everyone! My very first blog. Welcome to my blog, blog world! lol Honestly, I would sit here and type all about me, but I'm sure it's simple enough for you to figure out by just looking at my profile. Plus, I'm also expecting if you are reading this, then you probably know me. So, some of you may know, Chad is on deployment, and I thought this would be a good way to help me cheer up. I've been so down lately. I never thought it would be this hard. I'm sure the pregnancy hormones have a little something to do with it. 
I used to love to write. That was way before meeting Chad&having Gavin. I used to write all kinds of poetry. I was the dorky kid that had the magnetic poetry kit. Oh yeah-that was me! lol I named this blog Naturally Sweet for two reasons. One-I don't like to toot my own horn-but deep down, I've always been told that I'm a sweet person, and that's what I strive to be everyday. I have red hair, so my temper has occasionally gotten in the way over the years, but deep down I would do anything for anybody. The other reason-it pertains to Gavin's type 1 diabetes. Diabetics of course can have sugar in moderation. Actually, diabetes is all about counting carbs. Products that have no sugar added, have less carbs. So, I didn't want to say No Sugar Added as the title. Kind of silly. As his mom, I believe he's a sweetie pie as well :-) So there you go-Naturally Sweet!
I guess I plan to use this blog as a place to vent about deployment, pregnancy, and a way to keep everyone updated on our little family. I should use this a little gratitude journal as well. Don't want to get carried away complaining, and overlook the blessings in my life. That's it in a nutshell. A little extra reading material for you.

**In parting for tonight**- Chad, I seriously doubt you get to read this, but we really miss you&love you! OXOXO The boys&I will be right here waiting for you! We are proud of you always! :-)